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What happens if you say YES when you mean to say NO?

If you mean to Say NO and Say YES, then there may be consequences for you!

Say NO

Say No when you mean it

Its really interesting to think about why we do this (and I think most of us do to some extent)

  • Maybe we are people pleasers?
  • Maybe we want to be liked?
  • Could we be afraid  of the consequences?
  • Most likely, we are mind-reading what people would say or do?

And what are the consequence when we don’t say no?

  • Maybe we feel uncomfortable
  • Anxiety kicks in when we are not being ourself – has this happened to you?
  • Then we can lose confidence, end up in a vicious circle and then start saying yes even more!

Watch the short video below and then read the tips underneath that will make you think and perhaps do things differently.

If any of this sounds familiar to you and you want to start to say no, here are some things that you could do:

  • Stop and think about when you do it
  • Say to the person, let me have a think about it
  • Take a step back and think about why you are doing it and whether it’s in line with your values and being yourself
  • Ask yourself what’s important to you about being you
  • Say no if that’s what you’ve decided, explain the reasons and how saying yes is making you feel. You can always find a great way of saying it!
  • Move on

If the person is unhappy, then maybe you need to move on from them???? – Just saying -and I know it depends who they are.

You could also take some responsibility for having said yes in the past and the person may well be confused.

How about saying something like this – “I’ve always wanted to have a great relationship with you and I haven’t always been totally honest with myself and have said yes when instinctively I have wanted to say no. I’ve realised now what I’m doing and I apologise for any confusion I’m causing. I hope you understand and that we can still have a good relationship”

Enjoy reflecting on this week’s blog! If you want some support to make changes, give me a ring on 07973 635102 or get in touch here http://bit.ly/talktoDrB

See you next week!

Dr Bridget

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2 Responses to What happens if you say YES when you mean to say NO?

  1. Tracy Thomas May 29, 2017 at 5:53 pm #

    We started saying no to babysitting at very short notice. Explained about the consequences of having to rearrange clients. It didn’t go down very well even though we’d mentioned iron a number of occasions.

    • Dr Bridget May 29, 2017 at 7:38 pm #

      Just a thought – do you think the mentioning was noted? One of the things I talk to people about is a feedback process. 5 steps-
      1) Ask permission to talk about it
      2) Put it into context
      3) Give feedback – generous specific and succinct and ABOUT HOW WHAT HAPPENED MADE YOU FEEL! – most important because no one can argue with how things make you feel!
      4) check how it’s been taken
      5) Move on
      Give me a ring if you want to talk it through
      Dr B

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